Knowing "It's Not About You" Helps You Forgive

I'm sure it wasn't a coincidence that my pastor, Craig Groeschel preached about this topic last weekend. A million things came crashing together during the week, all pointing to this same message: "It's not about you."

Without naming names or getting too specific, something happened last weekend that pushed my buttons and got me feeling exceptionally hurt. If I were forced use one word to describe how I felt as a result of this situation, it was "excluded." But on some level, I also knew I was over-reacting. Probably, I felt at least six or seven times more hurt than I logically should have felt. But why?

As I prayed to God for clarity and understanding about why I felt so overly hurt by a seemingly small offense, I got the answer. It wasn't just this one instance that was bothering me. It was this instance PLUS all the other hurts just like it--hurts from back when I was an adolescent and felt excluded because of my weight.

Back then, I wasn't in the crowd with the "cool people" and I didn't do things that "beautiful people" did, like go to Proms or have dates. I was the massively overweight girl who stayed home and studied and told myself, "I didn't want to go to the dance, anyway."

After I prayed and God revealed to me why I felt so hurt (i.e. that it was the current situation plus the old situations put together), I asked Him if I believed lies about myself due to those past hurts. It turned out that, as an adolescent, I felt "rejected" and "unloved" [by some of the other kids]. Then, I asked God for the truth to replace those lies. The answer was "God loves you" and (in regard to my feeling rejected) "It wasn't about you." I.e., if others excluded me, it wasn't because of me. They had their own baggage to deal with and weren't even thinking about me or necessarily trying to exclude me. Big shocker. I wasn't the center of their universe. The adult in me had to laugh.

Of course, my next step was to forgive the other kids. It was easy. Now that I'm a doctor and know people like them on a close personal level, I see that everyone carries baggage of one sort or another. Really, they were just like me, back then, no matter how perfect and popular they seemed on the outside.

How can this information help you achieve better health? Knowing "It's Not About You" keeps you from taking offense when other people say or do hurtful things. And remembering that everyone has baggage helps you to forgive others and, hence, feel less emotional and spiritual stress. God said you should forgive seventy-times-seven (I believe) so YOU could feel better. And when you feel better emotionally and spiritually, you feel better, physically, too.